Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Hey Y’all

Long time no see my friends. Not sure when I gave this up but I’m quite sure it was because I thought I had it all figured out. L dot O dot L. At 43, “figured out” is an exercise in self-gratification.   I remember a couple of years ago, sitting and wondering how all of this happened.  And I’ve sat back and watched even more ridiculous shit happen and I’m basically like, there is no limit to ridiculous, is there?  I chose a career path. I chose a life. A life that is more uncertain than a child who is not vaccinated. And I’ve often asked myself, what the fuck were you thinking?!?  But I always come back to “this is and has always been your life.”  There is not fixed path. There is no tomorrow.  There is only this moment. It’s ridiculous. I’ve spent the last 25 years worrying about how to manage this world. And I’ve wasted (not in vain) that time. They say money is the root of all evil. The older I get the more I know that is truth. People want to be the best. And that has a monetary moniker. I’m not the best. I’m just good. I’m inherently good. I might someday be homeless, but I did right by the people I chose to surround myself with. There is a line we cross sometimes that we feel we have to to make something happen... but that’s a mistake. But it isn’t. It’s just the only decision we know to make when we are there. If you learn, then you get it. If you gain humanity from it, you get it. If not.. it’s self serving.

I pictured myself when I was younger as that old lady bartender that everyone told their troubles to. That’s about the only look in to my future I ever had. Not sure that isn’t going to be the end game after all. But I want all of my people to stop and ask themselves why they do what they do.  If it isn’t for love and caring of your people, then it isn’t right. Yeah I said it. If you are not pushing others toward their own recognition of self worth, then you are not doing your human duty. We aren’t put here to be mindlessly successful. We are out here to teach and pass down. That’s all I know.

Love you all.

Car tires and chicken wire