Because I Think Too Much...

So, it has been quite some time since my last post, and for that, I apologize. Seems like life gets in the way sometimes, and other times, my apparent apathy toward life takes command. The last few months have been a time of soul searching for me... DEEP soul searching. To put it in perspective, the last time I went this deep, I quit my job of 7 years at Toys 'R Us and became a bum for about 8 months... so... yeah, it's that deep.

I was sitting at my desk about 4 months ago in one of my 'repetitive, redundant tasks make me drool and daydream' modes and I flashed forward 10 years to see myself sitting at my desk in another one of my 'repetitive, redundant tasks make me drool and daydream' modes only this time I was older and more pathetic. It was almost enough to make me a) cry for still doing the same mind numbing job all those years, b) bang my head against the wall because I let all my dreams die for a job, and c) kick myself in the face because I know I'm wasting my life here. Luckily for me, it takes a Proctor and Gamble commercial at the Olympics to make me cry, I had a headache already that day, and well, I think we all know I'm physically incapable of kicking myself anywhere except my other shin.

That's when I decided... I didn't know just yet what I was deciding except I was making a decision to change my life. I, for lack of a better description, completely wasted the rest of the day sitting and thinking about what the hell I really wanted to do with my life... my heart kept going back to culinary school but my brain kept rejecting the idea like I was still 18 years old, scared to go against the demands of my parents because they were paying for my school, and still servile to their wishes. I kept saying to myself, "it's too expensive" or "there's no future in it" or "you're too old now to do something like that... that world is for the youth"... and then I found myself becoming increasingly angry.

I was getting angry at myself because, for whatever childhood reason that keeps kicking me down, I was tired of telling myself 'NO'. The worst part was is that I do that with lots of things and never realize it until it's too late. So I told myself that I wasn't going to do that to myself anymore... I wasn't going to be my own best whipping post... I'm not going to be afraid to fail anymore... That the fear of failure over the short term was way less intimidating than the fear of regret for the rest of my life.

So I did it... I got online, requested information, actually answered the phone when they called me back, took the campus tour, filled out the paperwork, signed my student loan Master Promissory Note, got fitted for my chef coat and chef pants and chef shoes, went in and set up my schedule and got it all squared away.

I'm going to be a chef. I am going to do what my parents were afraid to do... what they made me afraid to do for all those years...

I AM GOING TO BE A CHEF!

Suck on that Harris!